As I sat there beating myself up over why everything I did or touch always turned out wrong, the thought of being a looser and a bad luck might have, without a doubt crossed my mind a few times.
It was then that grandma Joyce walked in on her walking stick with a smile on her face, which to me made no sense because there was nothing to smile about.
Sitting next to me, without me saying a word, or telling her how I felt, she said “Kai, when I was your age, my brother George, may he rest in peace, sat just as you’re sitting now, feeling very downhearted.
As I sat across the room wishing there was something I could do to cheer him up, my father walked in and sat next to him, son! he said,
I have loved, and been loved.
I have hated, and been hated.
What is the authentication of what I’m feeling?
What is really the main reason?
Sometimes I sit and wonder.
Why do I always have to bother.
Let it be, and let me see.
Maybe then I might feel free.
Free to start a new journey.
Something far more beyond me.
What heals me?
What moves me?
What am I doing all the way out here?
He stood in the path just before me.
Holding out with both arms wide open.
Always there I never saw him.
Always there I never knew him.
What is your name? I looked and asked him.
With eyes full of tears, he came and embraced me.
From up and above I heard you calling.
In your times of sorrow, I comforted you.
In your times of pain, I cried with you.
In your times of joy, I rejoiced with you.
Though I was there, you never saw me.
Though you walked past me, I never left you.
“Come with me my son” he said to me
Leave the past behind, and don’t worry.
This is the authentication of what you’re feeling.”
After grandma Joyce finished, she smiled and kissed me on the forehead, got up and walked back outside.
I didn’t know what she meant by that story, but I knew the stories of her brother George, they were our family legacies, and knowing he felt the way I felt, made me know I too can be somebody.
From that moment on, I never looked down on myself again.
The feeling I had was worth more than gold.
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